Randell's Comedy Island

Thanks!

2006-04-09T17:38:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone,

Just wanted to thank everyone for coming by The Telephone Bar on Thursday. It was fun despite things getting out of control. My old comedy partner from collage came by and as usual, he was drunk. Prick. On top of that, my ex's husband interupted the show by talking on his cell phone. He cut a check and tried to make nice, but I still think he's a twat. Cary and Father Wilcox did a great job hosting and special thanks to Peter and Cass for the donation of the space. Go Mets!

K

PS
Here's proof my old comedy partner's a chump...

I can see the light

2006-04-03T15:06:00.000-05:00

I can't post much today, I'm getting worse. I feel like a sack of potatos. I should have an exciting announcment tomorrow, if I wake up...

Movies

2006-04-01T10:58:00.000-05:00

Lots of great movies out right now. Phat Girlz, Larry the Cable guy etc...yeah, right. Still haven't seen V of Vagina...I mean, Vendetta. I wish it would just come straight to umd or psp or I could just netflix it. Come on Americans of Hollywood! Get that going. Got to run, meeting a friend for that 5:95 deal at Arbys later.

K

Ouch

2006-03-31T01:05:00.000-05:00

I fell asleep with my ipod earbugs in. My ears are really sore now. I have to go in for some tests tomorrow. Doesn't look good, but I'm a big boy. I love comedy and stuff but I'd gladly trade my comedy chops in for a day without the pain and just genral suckyness. I'm really in a bad place. Hey, at least I'm not that guy from fall out boy that had pics of his wanger posted on the internet.

K

Hump day

2006-03-29T14:07:00.000-05:00

My blackberry fell on the subway track last night. Ah, life...

Don't Panic
by Coldplay

Oh, we're sinking like stones
All the we fall for
All those places we've grown
All of us are done for

We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world,
Oh, we're sinking like stones
All the we fall for
Homes, places we've grown
All of us are done for

We live in a beautiful world,
Yeah we do, yeah we do,
We live in a beautiful world.

Oh, all that I know,
There's nothing here to run from,
And there, everybody here's got somebody to lean on.

Ho Hum

2006-03-28T14:45:00.000-05:00

Just got up. I had a dream about eating a huge papa johns cheese pizza in one sitting. I love pizza, don't you? I'll probably go over to best buy to get King Kong on DVD later, right now I'm busy texting an ex. Drama!

K

Monday already?

2006-03-27T13:28:00.000-05:00

Is it Monday already...man, were does the time go? Saturday was full of surprises. I fell in the kitchen and couldn't move for about an hour so I just layed there and thought about life and the new Big Buckin' Chicken sandwich. Go try one of those. Sat Nite I went to Justin Purnell's Birthday Bash at UCB. What a blow out, tons of margaritas. Too bad I can't mix booze with my medication. Made out with a pretty blonde improv chick. Yeah, you now what I'm talking about. Yes and! Thanks whoever you were. Sunday was dvd day. I downloaded a bunch of Lost episodes off limewire and checked them out for clues. Tv is sweet right now! Well, expect a surprise soon. Can't say much more about it. Laters.

K

King Friday

2006-03-24T14:08:00.000-05:00

Ohhhhhhh, my head hurts. I'm on some new medication and it's really messing with my vision. I got up around 5 am this morning to wiz and walked right smack into the wall. Ouchers! So, has anyone heard about the new Sam Jackson movie "Snakes on a Plane?" I guess it's going to really be S.B.I.F (So bad it's funny) and make a bunch of B.O. moola. I'll probably check it out just to laugh at it. I'm mean, were do they think this stuff up? As my Dad used to say, "They just need a kick in the pants." I want to make a movie were I go on a cross country trip with my roommate whose switched bodies with a monkey and our awesome robot, Mr. Fartbox. I'm mean come on!! Okay, so things are coming together for that special surprise I was talking about. In the words of Mr. Axl Rose, "Have a little patience, faggots." Back to my Shield DVDs.

K

Make you an offer...

2006-03-23T13:26:00.000-05:00

Went to Invite last night to say hello to some of my peeps . I'm back on the scene after a couple months in the hospital. It sucked, so I won't bore you with the details, but now I'm broke again. Anyone else get the new Godfather video game? Fucking too cool! Anyway, I talked to a couple comedians last night and it looks like I might have a special announcement soon, so keep your ear to the ground. Enough for now, gotta do a google search for the olson twins halloween costume pic. TMI!

K

Pics from the "Night for Kevin"

2005-08-24T09:31:00.000-05:00

Cary pointing out his "Band for Kevin" bracelet. He was a great host.

Father Wilcox giving thanks for "Freedom and Luck."

This was supposed to be a PSA about Apraxia. Oops.

Capri is filling in for me at "Start the Insanity!!" A weekly variety show I host on Ludlow. My co-hosts were out in LA talking with some TV peeps about a possible pilot deal.

I did my hilarious character "C.H.R.I.S the Robot." Are you ready for some Robot comedy?

My ex, Shannon and her new husband, Daulton showed up. He's renting a villa in France for her so she can write a one women show called "I used to live with a guy named Even I didn't like."

He was being really mushy and shit. He said when he thinks about the way I treated Shannon, he wants to just punch me in the "Snotbox." He donated his Yankees season ticket to the kids down at Father Wilcox's church on behalf of me. Whoop-de-do.

Rob and Mark closed out the evening with a nice song about doing things for me I couldn't do and a not-so-nice one about "Rap Metal."

Overall is was really cool. But I was hopeing some famous comedians might show up a do a few minutes. Oh well, maybe next time. Ohhh, did I just let the comedy cat out of the comedy bag?!

Later,
K

Back

2005-08-22T08:39:00.000-05:00

Sorry for not posting a follow up to the show. I was upstate and my blackberry fell in a stream. Upstate rocks! The show was so cool. A bunch of my friends showed up as did my ex...ugh. No famous comedians :( but special thanks to Rob and Mark. Those guys are a hoot. I felt better about my situation and I'm gonna stick it out for a while and try and do some more rooms this month. Stay tuned.

K

For me?!

2005-08-15T09:13:00.000-05:00

This weekend really stunk monkeys. It was hot and sticky. Then it rained like crazy. My dvr messed up and didn't tape Entourage, then my tivo recorded a Night Court marathon I had no interest in, so I was stuck listening to a bunch of David Sedaris audio books on my ipod, all while sipping warm PBR.

I did catch the Pam Anderson roast with Tommy Lee in attendance. I guess she has big breasts and he a large penis?

Anywho, I woke up early to check my texts and I saw I had some he e-mail. I jumped on my G book laptop and saw the poster above!!! Holy Toledo! For me? This is awesome! I was starting to doubt the sincerity of the east village scene. I don't want to jinx it but I secretly hope some of my fav comedians show up like David Cross, Demitri Martin or Todd Barry. That would be intense.

C U there!

K :)

One last shot

2005-08-12T10:28:00.000-05:00

Friday again? Where does the week go? I love reading the onion and would love to write for them. In order to get hired you have to write a packet which consists of 100 headlines. Whoa!!! I've been working on my packet while I've been sick. Here's a sample of some my funnier ones...

"Man catches friend later"

"Talk show will be back after messages"

"Paint thinner harmful if swallowed"

"Dove bar fat free"

"Parents approve of Kix"

"Cowgirl done in reverse"

It's a decent start. BTW, don't steal these please.

K

PS

Anyone having trouble with their gmail?

Invite them up

2005-08-11T10:54:00.000-05:00

Had enough energy to check out Invite last night. Eugene's in europe, so it was just Bobby. Hung out for a little bit afterwards. Thought I saw Shannon but it wasn't her. Must have been all the Coke zero I've been drinking lately.

Still working on my pile of netflix.

Thursdays are for suckers.

K

Baseball

2005-08-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

Did you see that guy fall onto the net last night during the game? Whatta goof!

Had trouble breathing this morning.

K

Typo

2005-08-09T09:31:00.000-05:00

It's getting hard to type these days. I'll keep it brief.

Still thinking about moving home.

My ipod battery died. FU apple.

Watched end of Hells Kitchen, fell asleep.

The posters for Duece Bigalow makes me cry...Osama, please come out of retirement.

Might have good news soon.

K

Dicks of Hazznerd

2005-08-04T13:34:00.000-05:00

Yuck, I just ate a box of Teddy Grahams. Not smart.

Looking to go to Kim's to pick up some early DVD releases tomorrow, that's if I can get out of bed and shit. Still have a bunch of netflix to watch.

Sat on my PSP last night. I heard a loud crack, but it still seems to work.

Can you tell, I'm depressed?

Have you seen Weekends on the DL, or whatever it's called?

Me neither.

K

Gosh

2005-08-02T10:43:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm debating on whether I should move back home or not. At this point there's not much I can do comedywise while I'm fighting my health issues. I haven't heard from anyone since I started this except for the old ball and chain. I guess I should think about going back to desk work or something. I don't really care anymore.

Is it me or does NASA stand for Not Aggressively Suspecting Accidents?

Check out Wedding Crashers! Vince Vaughn is the new Steve Guttenberg.

K

Mehhh

2005-07-29T09:44:00.000-05:00

Haven't posted in a while. My health issues and the rest of the crap that comes with them are kicking my ass. I don't feel like doing much. My day is pretty much get up at 8, watch the adult swim I tivoed, eat a breakfast bar, fall asleep, get up watch Family Guy dvds, drink coke zero, check my e-mail, check my texts, read some blogs, liten to ipod, fall asleep. I feel like a big bag of suck.

Eyes of an eagle, heart of a lion

2005-07-25T14:48:00.000-05:00

Who came up with these stupid animal comparisons? My nurse keep telling me I have the heart of a lion and all this bullshit....or should I say shit of a bull. Stupid. Knock it off. Just say "You're courageous" or some shit. Geez.

Have you ever had a really bad salad? You know the kind were it's like, three pieces of lettuce and some hard clunky vegetables. That's what my weekend was like.

Was there an improv marathon this weekend?

K

What you'll find in my bag if you seach it...

2005-07-22T09:22:00.000-05:00

1 black pen
1 notebook with assorted jokes, bits and gags
2 packages travel tissue
3 old yogurt covered rasins
1 copy of The Onion from March
1 ticket stub from Batman Begins
0 FUCKING BOMBS

Have a great weekend. I'm lying low after all the drama this week. Hopefully things will get better soon.

K

Scrotumus

2005-07-20T13:09:00.000-05:00

Have you been following the supreme court fight? It's startin' to heat up. I like the word Supreme. I think I like it so much for one reason. Godfather's Supreme pan pizza. Mmmmmm. My family used to get it all the time when I was a kid. Don't touch the Pan!!!

I got a text message from Shannon. What a twat. Here's what it said..

RU OK?

Wow, she hasn't said one nice thing since we broke up, I go into the hospital once and I get a four letter TEXT message. Gay.

K

Update

2005-07-18T15:34:00.000-05:00

So, my trip got cancelled. I've been in and out of the hospital all week. I got really sick on Friday and have been asleep for most of the weekend. I just woke up. I hate being sick.

Is it me or is Johnny Depp's version of Willie Wonka a little gay?

More later.

K

Bombing in London

2005-07-08T13:52:00.000-05:00

No, I didn't do a comedy set in ye old England, I just want to post and say my heart goes out to all those that lost loved ones in the attacks.

I'll be out of town this up coming week. I'll try and update when possible. I'm having some special tests done.

The fantastic four is getting awful reviews. I never was a fan of this comic book, mostly because the word "Fantastic" isn't word people use anymore. No one today seeing a flaming man or big guy made out of rock, would say "Oh, Fantastic!!" They should be called the "Fucked up" four or "Clear Women and the Three Geeks."

That shit is bananas.

K

I hate fireworks

2005-07-05T11:46:00.000-05:00

How was your weekend? Mine stunk. As I mentioned because I'm sick , I had to stay in and watch TV. I had some netflix so it went by fast though. I got a call from my buddy Ron, which was cool. Ron and I were on an improv team in Chicago called "Smurf Fart" and did some sketch together. He's got married and has a kid, you know...doing the "family" thing. Anyway, I told him about my health issues and he wished me luck. It a nice chat, next thing you know it sounds like WW3 is breaking out. "Oh, yeah...4th of July." For the next hour I couldn't sleep, watch TV or even think. I hate fireworks!!! They're just a bright, loud waste of time.

Oh, yeah Live 8 was cool. I like when they cut away from the best part of the songs so we could here some frat douche in the crowd ramble about world economic policy. Yeah MTV!!!

Doin' a show at Dunkers on 68th St. on Thursday. I'll have more info soon.

TGIF-U

2005-07-01T12:06:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it's friday, so what. Life sucks. I had plans to have a huge party but I'm sick, so it'll probably be me and netflix again. Lame-o-riffic. I hate being sick. I wanted to check out some shows last night, but felt like I had just gone 10 rounds with The Russell Crowe boxer guy.

Tomorrow is Live 8 (ate), which an ironic name for a show trying to raise money for hungry people.

Have a good 4th and don't get any fingers blown off!!

K

Hump

2005-06-29T15:07:00.000-05:00

Anybody watch the new real world? What a bunch of a-holes!! One dude got his cheek busted in the first episode!! Mtv makes me mad.

Had a prep for me treatment. It totally sucked. My nurse was really hot and I almost got sick in front of her from being so nervous. "Hi, you're hot...raaaallllph."

Got big plans for the 4th of July weekend...and yes they include poon tang.

PS
If you saw me at Pleasures on Monday, sorry, I was off my game.

Weekend recap

2005-06-27T10:22:00.000-05:00

Friday- Canceled my spot at Cringles and stayed in, it was too hot and I had a pile of netflix to kill. National Treasure was more like a national disaster!!!

Saturday- Got up late, watched some tivo, got coffee and went to the park to write. Holy crap there's some hot ass in this city.

Sunday- Fell asleep around 2am watching SNL. It was a repeat, but I was one of the extras (my big break?) so I thought I stay up and rewatch it. Got up around noon, finished writing some bits then went to get a coffee...RAN INTO EX. What a crank. Why can't some people get on with life. I hate acting like were supposed to be friends- SHE GOT ME FIRED FROM A WRITING JOB!!! You are not my friend, twat!!!

Whoa, back to the grind. Special treatment coming this week, not very excited to say the least. Big show tonight at Pleasures. See ya there.

Bad eggs

2005-06-23T10:31:00.000-05:00

Howedy,

Sorry I haven't posted, I've been sick. I ate some eggs that didn't agree with me and that, coupled with my health issues, has taken up the better part of my week.

Whatever.

Caught a little of Invite them up last night, Eugene's back!!! Great show.

I have a couple gigs coming up, check 'em out!

K

9/24
"Sack o'Entertainment"
9pm, 5$
Cringles Pub

9/27
"The Monday Show"
10pm, FREE!
(buy a drink get a free slice of pizza)
Pleasures on Bond

But..man

2005-06-20T10:44:00.000-05:00

Dear Batman,

I saw your newest movie. Great job!!! Finally the real you is on the screen and not some cheesy, smart alec.

All the best,
Kevin "Grappling Gun" Randell

P.S.

Yeah, I saw the new Batman. It was fun, got a lot of stares becuase of my health issues though. I guess it's something I have to get used to. :(

Later.

Why, Katie, Why???!!!

2005-06-17T10:36:00.000-05:00

So, Cruise and Holmes are going to get married. This is really sad, I think Katie is under some sort of hypnosis or some shit. She could have any guy she wants and she hooks up with a tiny pan-sexual occultist!! Talk about batty, man.

T.G.I. muthafunking F!!!

Have some treatments coming up next week. Doesn't look good. Keep me in you thoughts folks.

Did you here about the new British fabric softner that might make the President look bad? It's called the "Downy Street Memo."

Invite Me Up

2005-06-16T09:41:00.000-05:00

Great show over at Rififi last night. Aziz and the cell phone guy rocked!! I got my drink on- only Pabst for this fella, bar keep. Glad I didn't run into Shannon last night. I was in the mood to laugh, not blow my head off, you know? Check out the newest Onion, great interview with the adult swim guys. I love cartoons!!!

Jack-off aftermath

2005-06-15T15:34:00.000-05:00

Michael Jackson gets off!! What can I say? Now he says he'll stay away from sleeping with little boys. A little late for that Captain EO!

Anyhoo, last night's meeting with my therapy consoler, Barb, was great, scary but great. She's helping me work through my health issues and I'm helping her with her laugh a day. She's also really easy on the eyes, kinda like Erin Gray but more Polish.

Ok, enough for today. Stay cool...literally.